Dear Sir,
You
posed the question...which is more beneficial for
children in America taken from their homes by Social Services, to be placed in
a group home or a foster care home prior to returning to birth-family or
adoption or their 18th birthday?
This
is a very interesting question of which we have given quite a bit of thought to
over the last seven years. What precipitated our internal query into the subject
is the interesting fact that we adopted four girls through our local foster
care system, four children through a Russian orphanage and three children who
had been in the Philippine's orphanage and foster care/group home system as
well as having three children by birth. By God's sovereign design all eleven of
our adopted children (regardless of country origin) had at least one, if not
more, of their 'new siblings' sharing similar stories and ages of when they
first came into 'State care' as well as similar ages of when we adopted them.
How these children adjusted, embraced or rejected our family, having the
'control factor' of three birth-children as well as having many friends who
have adopted, gave rise to the question...Which 'Public Institution'
(orphanage, foster care, or group home) is best to help a child adjust to being
placed in a permanent family by adoption or to enter the world on the 18th birthday?
The
curious thing is, our foreign-born children (ranging in ages from 8-12
years old) coming from an orphanage and group home setting did better adjusting
to the ebb and flow of joining an adoptive family (at least at first). The 11
yr. old who came from a foster home in the USA had a much harder time of
adjusting. There are many factors that could and do attribute to this
difference but the one that is most pertinent to this conversation is the
reality that the girls loyalty was to their birth-family though parental rights
had been terminated and they could not have contact until their 18th
birthday. They had not come to terms with this in the truest sense or in the
depths of their heart. So when they were approached regarding adoption they
were all for it as the next step in
‘housing’; not because they wanted to have fellowship, bond with, or learn from
these new parents. It is with these experiences in mind that we share the
following thoughts.
There
are true advantages to placing older children/young adults (10 yrs old to 18)
in a group home or orphanage The often traumatic but necessary event of 'taking
children from their birth-family' creates emotions and reactions that could be
better processed if the child were with other children of 'like situation'. The
process of placing this older child/young adult in a family setting to be
repeatedly moved or jostled from visits with birth-family to assimilating into
foster-family puts a toll on all involved. Often in these moves between foster
families there are changes in school of which they are the 'only ones' in
foster care. So not only do they have to deal with the emotions of leaving
birth-family (even if it is bad, it is all they knew!) they have the emotions of
'joining' another family culture (hopefully of a higher moral character then
the one they came from) and peer culture adding new stress on top of the stress
of uncertainty. The group home setting adds stability to an unstable situation.
The child is mainly forced to adjust to a few rules to make life pleasant for
all occupants. In a foster home situation the child not only must obey the
family rules but typically is expected to join in the family activities and adapt
to their 'way of doing things'. Now for some children this is a welcome change
and a dream come true. But for many teenagers this is just fodder for more
rebellion and wayward behavior meaning removal to a new foster home. Also, if
the State decides to try birth-parent and child reunion and it does not work,
the child never returns to the former foster care home; but maybe they could
return to the same group home (unfamiliar with group home policy). This
would cut down on adjustments while in 'the system'.
Younger
children are no less subject to the emotions and trauma of being displaced from
their birth-families. However, due to the fact that they are not as peer driven
and still need nurturing, they are better suited to be placed in foster care
families where their individual needs can be met and directed towards healthy
responses. This not only applies to their physical needs but as well as their
emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. Babies (0-3 yo) are in particular need
of individualized care which only foster care can provide. Studies have shown
the benefits of rocking, holding especially during bottle feeding, eye contact,
engaged conversation, etc. goes miles towards healthy development (Inside The Brain by Ronald Kotulak). This cannot be
properly or adequately done in a group home or orphanage setting.
A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart
may discover itself. Proverbs 18:2
Even these two assessments, based on having adopted several children of varying ages and backgrounds, is flawed from the beginning. The reality is, we live in a fallen world where sin is the driving force of man's nature; if he has not been 'born again' of the Holy Spirit. So the act of putting children in a group home, orphanage, or foster home is compounded by the adults and the children they are trying to help. It is difficult enough to deal with a child who lies, steals, and cheats when you have adopted them. It is a whole other game when they are 'Wards of the State' and they are seen as victims of abuse instead of potential abusers themselves. They should be seen as 'little sinners' capable of the most hideous crimes against God and man if left to their own vices; thereby possible abusers of the very people who are trying to help them. The other danger in this mix is, if two or more 'sinful' children living together are like-mind (sexual, stealing, lying, drugs/alcohol/smoking) they will seek to act out their desires/passions together. Even the most well-trained, well-educated doctors are stumped when it comes to this 'acting out'. (See The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog by Dr. Bruce Perry) What discipline can you exact to drive the message home that this behavior or attitude is unacceptable in the 'home' or in society for that matter? And if the 'parents', be it foster or group home/orphanage, are always changing, then so are the conditions for acceptable behavior vs. punishable behavior. Yikes! So much to process in theory as well as practicality.
Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that
build it. Psalm 127
As
Christians, the first thing that must be addressed regarding this entire issue biblically is the question: What is the Lord's desire regarding
orphans/fatherless?! Historically, it is documented that first century
Christians took it upon themselves to care for the abandoned children and to
appoint church leaders to oversee their care and placement in a Christian
family to be taught the things of Christ. (The Atheism of the Early Church, R.J. Rushdoony and The Rise of Christianity,W.H.C. Frend) This tradition can be seen today in part with Crisis
Pregnancy Centers, foster care systems, orphanages/children’s homes, and
adoption agencies. Unfortunately, the Church to a very large extent has given
up the responsibility to the State. (It is a travesty!) Yet the Lord has and is
raising up individuals who still believe in James 1:27 through adoption
agencies, foster care homes, and adoption. However, ground could also be
recovered with group homes playing an integral part of God's plan if it is a
place where children will be 'taught of the Lord'.
A father of the fatherless...God setteth the solitary in
families. Psalms 68:5-6
We truly believe the ultimate goal of the Lord is for
orphaned/abandoned children (whether by parent's death or termination of
rights) to be in Christian families through adoption. This again is where group
homes and foster care could play a very active role! Children coming into the 'system' have
months, if not years, of waiting for parental-rights to be terminated, thereby
making them available for adoption. In this interim period, the child can be in
a situation where they are taught of the Lord through scriptures, counseled
based on biblical principals (How To Help People Change, Jay E. Adams), and instructed in appropriate forms of behavior and
attitude (The Heart of Anger, Lou Proilo) before entering a family permanently. This is also a time when the
children can be 'screened' for their 'desire' to be placed in a family; not all
children want to be adopted and not all children want to grow up without loving and supportive parents.
Hope
this is of use to you.
In
His Service,
Bob and Katherine
Sanford
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